Do you contribute to making yourself miserable? It seems like a silly question, after all, who wants to be miserable, right? So, why would you want to make yourself feel that way. The truth is that millions of people do that every day without knowing it.
It is usually innocent enough. Someone makes you feel bad, hurts your feelings, or does something that you do not like, and we run the movie of what happened over and over again in our brains feeding all the feelings of hurt and growing them in intensity over time.
People, it seems, do this in order to release themselves from the situation that is causing them pain. They seem to believe that if they think about the situation over and over that it will change what has happened. But it changes nothing, and instead serves to inflame even more our already burning emotions. This self-created kind of languishing in that type of suffering creates a great deal of unnecessary misery.
There are many ways in which we can actively contribute to our own experience of mental unrest, suffering and anguish. Although, in general, mental and emotional suffering can come naturally, it is often our own reinforcement of those negative emotions that makes them so much worse.
Let's look at two examples: First example - - If your superior (e.g. a Partner in your firm) were to "ball you out" for doing something your way, rather than their way, instead of merely making the adjustment and forgetting about it, we often lament over the admonishment (needlessly) for hours or days. Second example - - If a Judge were to rule against you, rather than just learning from the experience, we often "stew" over the matter (needlessly) for a considerable period of time following the proceeding. In both situations, and countless others that are similar, we "beat ourselves up" (needlessly) when doing so does little or nothing the help us or the situation.
We all too often focus too much on small things, and in doing so we cause ourselves to miss the really important things in life. Too many of us essentially destroy our own peace of mind. Our pain becomes our own personal creation.
We may not always be able to avoid difficult situations, but we can usually modify the extent to which we suffer by how we choose to respond to the situation.
Comments